TrickorTreat!
by Yer Majesty
Summary: Oneshot. Jonathan babysits Alex one Halloween. After All, how tough can it be to watch one five year old for a couple hours?


**Trick-or-Treat!**

"I can't thank you enough, Jonathan."

"It's no problem, Evy. Go out, have fun. You guys deserve it."

Evy leaned over and gave her brother a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you. Emergency numbers are by the phone, as is the number of where we'll be--"

"I know the drill, Evy. Stop worrying. It's me!"

"That's exactly why I'm worried."

Jonathan gave a mock frown of hurt and placed a hand upon his chest. "My dear sister, have I ever given you any reason to distrust me?"

She frowned and turned to Rick as he was helping her into her coat. "Maybe we should stay."

"Honey, we promised the Clarks we'd be there. Alex will be fine. Your brother is perfectly capable of keeping an eye on him for a few hours."

She eyes him warily, and sighed. "Fine." She raised a finger threateningly and gave her brother a glare that would have made Imhotep himself proud. "If one item in this house is broken or missing--"

"Evy, Evy. I would never."

Both Evy and Rick spoke up at this. "You would."

He gave them a playful shove out of the door. "Go! Be gone with you! Not one item will be damaged. Now leave me in peace with my nephew."

With one last wave, he shut the door, heading towards the stairs. "No sense in making him sit at home on Halloween."

!#$&+

Two hours later he sat back on his heels, grinning like a mad man. "Perfect!"

"Uncle Jon! I can't see!"

"Well, that's easy enough to fix." He adjusted the sheet a bit so Alex's eye's were shown.

"What kind of costume is this anyway?"

"A right good one it is, mate. No doubt about that."

Alex shuffled his way over to his mirror and grimaced at the sight staring back at him. A white sheet had been wound about his body, string and duct tape thrown in to keep it together. He pulled at a lone piece of string. "What is it?"

"It's a ghost!"

He fixed a look of such sheer disbelief at his uncle that a five year old shouldn't have been capable of doing. "A ghost? Right."

"Well, what else do you suggest? A mermaid?"

"Eww! A mermaid!" He pretended to gag, eliciting a laugh from his uncle. "I'll stick with this, thanks."

"All right, then. We'd best be off."

"Wait! What am I supposed to collect candy in?"

Jonathan looked around the room, twisting his body every which way. "Aha!" Walking over to the bed, he grabbed a pillow, shaking it from it's case. He stuck a heroic pose, one hand on his chest, the other holding the pillow case above him. "Fear not, young Casper! For I have found the perfect solution!"

"A pillow case?"

"Well, what's wrong with it?"

"All the other kids are going to have buckets. Why do I have to use a pillow case?"

"Because I seem to be fresh out of buckets tonight. Besides, I can guarantee that you'll get more candy than anybody else his way."

Still looking dubious, he took the pillowcase from his uncle and proceeded downstairs, trying desperately to keep upright in the monstrosity his uncle called a costume…

!#$&+

"I can't believe you did that, Alex!"

"What! He provoked me!"

"He was three, and all he did was wish you a 'Happy Halloween'."

"It was a trick, I tell you! That kid wanted my candy!"

"So you steal his?"

Alex said nothing, opting instead to stick out his tongue in response.

"Oh, real mature Alex."

"I'm five!"

"That's your excuse?"

Giving his uncle a glare, he shuffled his way to the couch, plopping down quite unceremoniously, and began to rifle through his bag.

"Only eat a couple pieces. I still have to fix you dinner."

"Okay."

"I'm serious."

"Okay! I heard you! Don't have a cow."

"You've been hanging out with your father too much, picking up his american slang…"

Alex just gave him a weird look and turned back to his candy, wrinkling his nose in distaste whenever he came across something he didn't like.

Jonathan gave a sigh and headed towards the kitchen, shaking his head all the way.

!#$&+

Twenty minutes later, he took the last pot off of the stove. "Finally. About bloody time..."

He set the table quickly, anxious to sit down after a long night's trick-or-treating. "Alex! Dinners ready! Come eat!"

After a moments silence he wiped his hands on his apron, heading towards the living room. "Alex?"

An empty couch greeted him and he groaned when he saw all of the candy wrappers littering the floor. "Oh no. Please tell me he didn't eat all of that."

He walked further into the living room, stopping when a quiet hiss reached his ears. He closed his eyes in exasperation and looked down. Grimacing in disgust, he pulled the flattened candy bar from the bottom of his foot.

"Alex!" He received no answer, though he wasn't expecting one anyways, and turned towards the stairs, his eyes following a trial of melted chocolate smeared along the wall, leading from the couch to the stairs.

Making his way up the stairs, he was careful not to touch the banister, as it was doused in chocolate as well, and paused slightly when he reached the top.

'I really don't want to continue. I should just turn around now and go enjoy a nice quiet dinner. Maybe see a movie. After all, he's probably passed out by now, right?'

Taking a deep breath, he walked slowly, feeling as if he were walking to his own execution rather his nephews bedroom.

"Alex?" He peeked around the door, pushing it open slightly to fit around it. "Alex! Have you gone completely off your rocker!"

A giggle was his answer as his nephew continued to jump around on his bed, stark naked and covered in chocolate.

"Get down right now!"

"No!"

"Get off of that bed, young man."

"I don't want to!"

"Alex."

"Alex."

"Get down."

"Get down."

"Don't start that."

"Don't start that."

"I'm warning you."

"I'm warning you."

"I'm not a fig plucker or the fig pluckers son, but I'll pluck figs till the fig pluckers come."

Alex stopped bouncing, a confused look on his face.

"Ha! I beat you!"

Alex started jumping again, a grin on his face. "Ha! I beat you!"

"Don't make me come get you."

Alex ignored him, having too much fun to take his uncles warning seriously.

"All right. You asked for it!"

A screech escaped the five year old as he watched with wide eyes his uncle flying towards him. He jumped off of the bed, watching safely from the floor as his uncle landed on his stomach with a grunt. With fevered energy, Alex scrambled up, running out the door, a trail of laughter following him.

With a growl, Jonathan pushed himself off of the bed, stalking out the door. "Where are you, you little monster?"

Heading towards Evy and Ricks room, he paused as he heard a muffled giggle. He backtracked a few steps and examined the hall closet, grinning when he noticed a corner of the rug upturned from where the door had obviously moved it. Throwing open the door he threw out his arms, catching Alex before he could bolt off again. "Got ya!"

He heaved him up, throwing him over his shoulder. "Off to the bath with you!"

"No! I don't want a bath! Uncle Jon! Put me down!"

"Stop struggling before I drop you. You're not exactly light, ya know."

"Are you calling me fat!"

"Listen to you! You sound like your mother!"

"I resent that!"

"Yep, definitely your mother."

Alex scowled and stuck his tongue out.

"Put that tongue back in your mouth."

A look of surprise crossed his face.

"And you wipe that surprised look off as well. You forget, I've been around you for five years. I know every thought that runs through your mind."

"Oh yeah? Then what am I thinking now?"

"You're thinking that I'm the greatest uncle there ever was and you can't wait to have a nice, long bath."

"Wrong."

"Oh really? Well, I guess I need more practice. Guess that means you'll be spending more time with me."

"I'm doomed."

"I wouldn't go _that_ far. Oh look! We've just happened to come across a bathroom. And my arms are awfully tired from lugging you around, so I guess that means we'll just have to make a pit stop, eh?"

With a groan, Alex covered his eyes, preparing for the worst.

!#$&+

Forty minutes later...

"Uncle Jon! Can I get out _now_?"

Said uncle leaned back against the toilet, jovially flipping through a magazine. "Did you wash your hair?"

"Yes."

The page turned. "Behind your ears?"

"Yes."

Another page. "Did you use soap?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

Alex gave a frustrated groan. Not once had his uncle even looked at him during his questioning, and he was beginning to wonder if he would make it out before he turned into a prune.

"OH MY GOD, UNCLE JON! IT'S A SPIDER!"

A feminine shriek issued from the mans mouth and he jumped up from his seat on the toilet, the magazine flying. "Where is it! Kill it! Don't let it get me!"

Alex burst into a fit of laughter, tears rolling down his face.

Jonathan turned towards him, an accusing look on his face. "There is no spider, is there?"

"N-n-no." A fresh burst of laughter erupted from the child and Jonathan huffed, sitting back down on the toilet moodily.

"That wasn't funny."

"Y-yes it w-was!"

"Wow, I guess you really want to stay in there huh?" Picking the magazine up from the floor, he found the page he was on, ignoring Alex's protests.

"Uncle Jon! It was a joke! Come on!"

"Nope. You used my fear of spiders against me on your own free will, therefore you just bought yourself another five minutes in the tub. Enjoy." He picked up a rubber ducky from the floor and briefly examined it, giving it a squeeze as he tossed it into the tub.

!#$&+

Alex sat happily on his bed, clad in dinosaur pajamas, waiting for his uncle to come in and select a bedtime story to read. He didn't have to wait long before Jon came in scowling, drying his hair with a towel.

"You didn't have to soak me, you know."

"Yes I did. You were going to make me stay in there even longer."

"Yeah, and I should have made you stay even longer after that little stunt."

"Give up, old man. You can't beat me."

Jonathan stared in disbelief and paused his ministrations on his hair. "You did not just call me old."

"'Fraid so, gramps."

"Oh, it's on now." He jumped onto the bed, grabbing Alex when he tried to escape and began to tickle him, ignoring his cries of mercy.

"I give!"

"What's that? My hearings not so good, me being an old man and all."

"I g-g-give! I give! Y-you're not o-ld!"

"Didn't think so." He stopped, leaning back against the headboard, Alex leaning against him.

"Will you read me a story now?"

"What do you wanna hear?"

"Um…Three Little Pigs!"

"Again? I just read that last night!"

"Three Little Pigs! Three Little Pigs!"

"All right! I'll read about the pigs. No sense in murdering me."

Alex ran and retrieved the book, climbing back atop his uncle.

"All right. Now. Once upon a time, there were three little pigs…"

!#$&+

"Do you think everything's alright?"

"I'm sure everything's fine." Rick unlocked the door, flicking on the hall light and helping Evy out of her coat. "We weren't gone too long."

"Yeah. I guess you're right. How much harm could he have caused?"

She walked into the living room and while Rick put up their coats. "I'm going to murder him. I'll cut out his liver and force feed it to him. I'll find the pliers and rip out his finger nails. I'll--"

"Okay. That's enough mafia movies for you."

"Look at this place!"

Rick walked in behind her and took in the chocolate covering the walls and the wrappers scattered along the floor. "At least the couch is--My couch! Look at my couch! I'll kill him! Where's the drill? I'll drill another hole into that thick skull of his--"

"Now Rick. I think you've been watching too many mafia movies."

"Look at my couch, Evy! That's a 3,000 dollar couch! Leather! And it's covered in chocolate!"

"I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation--"

"Yeah, well I better get it quick."

"I wonder where they are?" She headed up the stairs, Rick following close behind. "Eww."

"What is it?"

She turned and held up a hand, and Rick could barely make out a dark liquid on her in the dim lighting.

"It's chocolate."

He laughed and Evy huffed in indignation. "it's not funny!"

"Y-yes it is!"

Scowling at her husband, she ran her hand across his face, effectively covering him in the sticky substance. He stopped laughing abruptly, causing her to start. "Now that's funny!"

He growled and she made a quick get away up the stairs, causing him to crash into her when she stopped. "Shh!" Holding a finger to her lips, she opened the door to their sons room, revealing Jonathan passed out with Alex sprawled across him.

"I think we can wait till morning to punish him."

"Oh, come on! Did you not see the state of our house?"

"Yeah, but look at them. It's adorable."

"Women."

"Mr. O'Connell, did you just insult me?"

"I would never."

"Uh-huh. Sure you wouldn't."

"Don't try to change the subject. I want to beat your brother to hell, and you won't stop me."

"Rick, you'll wake up Alex, and I don't know about you, but I really don't want to deal with him right now."

He sighed in resignation, running a hand though his hair. "No."

"In the mean time, that couch of yours just happens to be covered in chocolate."

"Yes, and?"

"You know how much I love chocolate."

"You know, I do seem to recall something about that particular little fetish."

"Do you?"

"Mm. I believe I do."

Evy giggled and made her way down the stairs, and Rick stared before making his way down after her.

!#$&+

Whoo! Seven pages! Kind of a long one-shot, but it was worth it. I got to thinking about Jonathan when bandnerd305 asked for him. If I go ahead with my plans for him in 'Normal? Yeah, Right!' then...well...I don't even want to think about that. So bandnerd305, I hope you enjoyed this fic.

If you guys see any mistakes or have any suggestions to fix it, don't be shy.

Until next time!


End file.
